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Vance's stash of Red Cow. The can reads: Red Cow Energy drink + Cow-cium. Drink it and regret it. Red Cow gives you Diabetes. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Trololololololol Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Kid you gonna get v&. Blah Blah Blah Blah - like a sir. Pirate Bay @ Long live LulzSec Ave. U MAD or U JELLY. (And then a biohazard sign and troll face.)

Red Cow is the energy drink of choice for hackers in CERia such as Vance and Frey. The drink's slogan is "Red Cow gives you Diabetes."


Red Cow is the bootleg version of Red Bull in CERia -- created due to suppliers being unable to import Red Bull into CERia. 

Red Cow is produced by Pirate Bay @ Long Live Lulzsec Ave.

Health ConcernsEdit

Typical ingredients like caffiene, taurine, energy steroids, and glucuronolactone have not been assessed by CERia's health authorities for their safety. Taurine and glucuronolactone are normal body constituents and also present in scallops, fish, and poultry. U MAD or U JELLY in it's January 2009 tests concluded that at the levels currently present in Red Cow is not of a safety concern. 


The caffeine of a single can of Red Cow is 207.5 mg/250 ml (83 mg/100ml). This is about the same as 16 normal cups of coffee, or slightly less depending on the brewing method. Red Cow drinkers may experience adverse effects as a result of overuse caffeine intoxication.

Cardiovascular effectsEdit

A review of the scientific literature on caffeine concludes that moderate caffeine intake (less than 250 mg per day) does not adversely affect cardiovascular health. However, a can of Red Cow, 250 ml, contains 207 mg of caffeine which is around 16 cups of coffee.

There has been at least 9001 case reports of Red Cow overdose causing postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, diabetes, paralysis, and death in adults and children alike. 

Other Red Cow ProductsEdit

Cereal: Edit

Red Cow Crunch is the cereal version of Red Cow, known as "Energy cereal for your soul." with the slogan "Quality seizures in a box."

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"Quality Seizures in a Box"

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Vance making use of his six-pack of Red Cow.

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